I’m playing a warlock, a follower of the old god Cthulhu (chaotic evil). My character is chaotic neutral, and has been doing some not-so-neutral things (in my opinion). My patron god is a big part of who my character is, and in the future I want to be able to use Create Undead and Death Touch. Having undead creatures can be seen as evil to most everyone.
One of my party members (as a player) mentioned that it can sometimes be “not fun” to play with my character because of his dickishness, which they attribute to him being evil. My defense, of course, was that dickishness is not evil, but they still have a point because I’ve killed 2 people that they otherwise were letting go free, a decision that I mostly regret. In addition to that, I’ve been less than eager to help others, except for trying to stop the apocalypse. Due to this, a conflict broke out, which I believe was handled properly between players, and our druid stormed out of a dungeon (justifiably) and our bard left the room disgusted to collect gold that was outside the room. As players, we’re not sure if there’s much reason for the druid to stay if my character is still there, because of this perceived wickedness.
So here’s my issue: I like my character, I like our party, and I don’t want to pull a 180 on my character and make him nice or throw away important motivations for him. I also don’t want my character to be “not fun” to play with. I personally found the conflict between our characters exciting and fun, this is why I play. As a small caveat, none of the other players voiced any concern about my character but they weren’t present during the conversation. I want to come to a compromise without ruining the character I’ve invested so much thought and time into developing. We have plans for my character to possibly become DM controlled if he does end up leaving, but I’d like to avoid that if possible.
Is there a way for me to worship an evil entity and raise the dead without being specifically evil? I realize this sounds like “can I be evil and not be evil?”, but I’m looking for roleplay suggestions on how to remain neutral so that our party has reason to be together.
I’ll add one more caveat. I don’t think this issue has anything to do with “my guy syndrome” and this question is in fact not about justifying my past actions, only seeking to move forward in a way that will satisfy everyone. I don’t ask this question to get you to agree with me or to suggest that I think I’m in the right and my druid friend is in the wrong. Quite the opposite, really. To add more context to what happened would make this more complex than it needs to be and would, honestly, be irrelevant.