How do I find a friendly, inclusive roleplay group online?

One of my queer friends is interested in joining a campaign online, and is looking for an inclusive, friendly group of players. She asked me how she’d find such a group. I’d love to answer her, but after years of roleplaying irl and online, I still have no idea how I’d accomplish such a feat.

Most of the time in online games, the issue of gender and sexual diversity isn’t addressed, so I tend to end up with groups where at least one person isn’t comfortable with a non gender binary character, or expresses ideas about gender that make me uncomfortable. It tends to eventually come up and ruin an otherwise fun game night.

I don’t want to play in a don’t ask, don’t tell roleplaying campaign. How do I find a group of friendly, inclusive players who can roll with lgbt characters?

How to deal with player who won’t roleplay, insists character-friction is bad, and doesn’t take the game seriously?

Edit- I’d browsed most of problem-players and still felt we needed more info, or more allegorical advice from experienced gamers but am now seeing stuff in gm-techniques I had missed that is somewhat relevant, if this question is redundant then I won’t begrudge it being moderated and locked or deleted, but I would still like to request some more specific advice.

I know this is a bit of an amalgamation of other similar questions on here, but this feels a little more of a specific case. The GM encouraged me to post this here to try and get some advice since we’re both kind of stumped.

I’m a player in a 3-person group (four including the gM) playing the modern Conan game. Three of us are close friends and the third party member is the girlfriend of the other party member, which is to say that this is a tight group and "booting someone from the game" is basically the nuclear option where me and the GM would potentially fracture off and form a new group with people we know, the least preferable option all things considered.

We’re continuously getting in to arguments about how the game should be played and how roleplaying and mechanics should work (specifically the more vague "non-dice roll" mechanics). The problem party member is consistently at arms with me when I insist that we should be in character more often, or that I’m not "acting in character", or that he doesn’t understand my character (which the GM understands very well, it’s just not a one-dimensional character like his is winding up to be), or that "it won’t be fun if your (my) character has a fleshed out backstory and the GM just turns it into an adventure about your guy."

The problem here is that the GM has pretty specifically stated that this is a "Roleplaying" game and the entire purpose of us playing this is to roleplay. When I (and the gm backs me up) suggest we should try and stay more in character, and use out of character chat more specifically, he basically said that it’s "cringe and I’m not going to go "OOC!!!!!" to talk about things." The problem here is that him and his girlfriend spent literally an hour and a half arguing over a plan in a very split second sort of hostage negotiation where I was set aside to ambush in case things go wrong. After everyone was clearly getting fed up with him trying to hatch some scheme where we come out on top with every reward and absolutely no bad things on our end I roleplay my guy coming up and basically ending the negotiation preemptively with a demand and ultimatum. I do this without consulting them, hoping to throw in some "surprise" to the entire thing. This goes over horribly and results in a huge fight over "we’re a team and we HAVE to always work together." The girlfriend has never played a tabletop and is sort of only here because he is, so she takes his side heavily and insists we have to always have perfect group cohesion or come to a mutual agreement before acting.

The problem with this is that the problem player in question constantly acts of his own accord without consideration for anyone else, but he’s almost never actually roleplaying. His character so far has consisted almost solely of acting like a toddler (playing "keep away" with an amulet an NPC is demanding back that he had stolen and acting confused that she isn’t "friends" with his character despite the fact that we basically murdered the entire group she was with before this). Of note is that he basically kidnapped this NPC for no in character reason just to "see what would happen."

During this amulet keep away, I once again try to have my character swoop in and grab the amulet away and toss it to the NPC and give him some light knock on the head and a quip about "If it’s baubles you want, I’ll treat you to some, let’s keep moving." I tried using advice I’d found in similar questions on here to encourage him to roleplay the situation, or do a pvp skill test to resolve the situation, but he got livid and insisted it was terrible and both him and his girlfriend compared it to "stealing from player characters at night with no consequences," a thing that both the GM and I rebuked were not remotely similar at all, as one was directly encouraging roleplay and in-group friction that isn’t necessarily conflicting. I even offered a friendly "out" for him to benefit by offering to buy him things at the market.

Because of him acting like this, and constantly challenging both me and the GM (for instance his character sheet was very wrong because he didn’t read anything in creation and just sped through in 15 minutes [it took me 4 hours and even took the GM like an hour to make a random gen character], but he got pouty about the fact that the GM said he had to rebalance it to be not broken), his girlfriend is basically staying silent and not roleplaying at all, despite having implied that she was interested in trying to get in to her backstory.

In addition, the GM has specifically requested us to give him a fleshed out backstory for incorporating story elements along the lines, to which he insists is "not fun and it’s more fun to make things up and develop our characters from a blank sheet as we go." Which is to say he basically wants to play a video game where nothing matters.

The biggest problem here is that he is the one who was the most insistent on wanting to play a tabletop RPG, but he both says he doesn’t want it to be "combat focused", but also consistently refuses to engage with roleplay in any meaningful way, and actively fights against it if anything happens that isn’t the literal perfect outcome for his character outside of dice rolls.

Sorry for the long post, but this feels like a pretty complex situation considering his girlfriend is constantly getting annoyed with him despite her always taking his side on things that the GM takes my side on, and it’s ruining the fun for everyone in different ways. The GM constantly has no idea how to handle the situation because his character is acting like a toddler, his girlfriend is bored out of her mind because he constantly overtakes any attempts of ours to have character agency, and I’m having no fun because I’m constantly being told to just not play my character and be a mindless video game companion character.

Is there any way for us to salvage this situation? Any last ditch efforts to try? Do we ultimately just have to have the GM message him and say "this is how I want to play the game, please take it more seriously or we will just have to stop"? The GM set up scenarios that will hopefully encourage him to roleplay, and I’ve been trying to stay in character (and the GM says he will force an in character resolution, instead of bending to his will that it’s not what he wants to happen, or at least a dice roll one, the next time there is friction between his and my character) in order to try and encourage him to roleplay.

Edit for clarity and as a TL;DR – The problem here is basically that the player refuses to actually get in to character, insists that "roleplaying is cringe" despite being the one who specifically wanted to play this game and said he didn’t want it to be a "combat exclusive" adventure (ie lots of roleplaying). He’s hostile towards anything not going his way or any "trolley car" situations he can’t BS his way into derailing the trolley car to save everyone and also find 5 gold on the ground. Any friction (that the GM says is good and interesting) between player characters is taken as a personal offense by him and leads to fighting between me and the GM and him and his girlfriend. He refuses to develop any sort of backstory for his character and is dragging down the entire party, but the group will stop existing without him since his gf would leave, so we’d like suggestions on how to push him in to actually roleplaying / taking things a bit more seriously and treating it less like he’s the protagonist of Oblivion or something.

The GM is linked to this question per his request, so any GM specific advice for him or player specific advice for me are both welcomed.

How to roleplay historical antipathy between character races

Traditionally, many character races in D&D have been defined to have a race with whom they share a mutual hatred: elves and orcs, dwarves and goblins, and gnomes and kobolds, for example. With Volo’s Guide, however, orcs, goblins, and kobolds are all playable races. How do we reconcile this in-story racial hatred with the meta requirement for characters in a party to support one another?

Roleplay pacing in non-combat situations

So I am running the Baldur’s gate: Descent into Avernus module and my players are taking very long to approach certain situations. To set an example: There is a gate with two guards who are checking everyone who passes through. They need to get inside (because of their own choosing and also their own choice to do it through the gate specifically).

At this point the most talkative member of the group starts rattling over all these different strategies, some of the other members (2/5) are joining the discussion on how to do this. 30 minutes later we’re still at the gate having done nothing to get in but discuss strategies.

This can often take hour(s) to decide on a strategy. It seems like all of them love the freedom of play and strategizing how to approach a situation like this. Sadly, though, at the end of the session when we talk about that particular session they seem to all agree that that was boring. I don’t want to remove this RP encounters since I know some of them like this more than the combat but at the same time if all of them agree it’s too long I felt like I needed to do something…

I tried the following so far:

  • Making these RP encounters a small tad easier -> the players felt patronized since it felt easier than the rest of the campaign
  • Having an NPC who was following them help them -> can’t really bring up any ideas with inside information at which point im just in the middle of the discussion slowing it more down than speeding it up.
  • Use the environment to force them into a decision (gently) by RP’ing it (e.g. The guards see you mumbling in group and they grow suspicious, if you don’t do something they will come and investigate) -> they didn’t like that so they just moved away to discuss somewhere else.

I am not sure how to handle this and since they literally all are in agreement that these long discussions take too long I do wanna try and fix it, and yes telling them to keep it shorter if they don’t like it is something I did, but that resulted in a long discussion about wanting to keep all the freedom in the player’s hands.

I feel like 2/5 people in the group don’t really partake in these discussions (they seem a bit more shy) and the rest of the group simply feels bad for them yet doesn’t want to admit that and therefor claim they don’t like the long discussions either. So I’m just completely stuck…

I’ll gladly answer any questions and all that, and I’m still considering other options but any help or suggestions here would be greatly appreciated.

Kislevite Kossar encumbrance in Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay 2

We are planning on starting a new campaign of warhammer fantasy roleplay 2, using the encumbrance rules.
I wanted to play a Kislevite Kossar, but it turns out that the starting equipment seems way to heavy to carry as a new character.

As a Kossar, I’ll be starting the game with:

  • a great weapon (200),
  • a bow and 10 arrows (100),
  • a set of medium armour: Mail Coat (80), Leather Jack (50), and Leather Leggings (20)

Plus the stuff given to any new adventurer:

  • common clothes (15)
  • a dagger (10)
  • an hand axe (50)
  • a blanket (10) and set of wooden cutlery (2) Totalling more than 500 encumbrance.

Meanwhile, as an human, I’m supposed to have between 22 and 40 strength, meaning that my carrying capacity will be between 220 and 400.

As I understand it, I will get between -3 and -4 in movement penalty (-1 for being over my carrying capacity and between -2 and -3 for being more than 100/150 over the limit) so I will most likely be unable to move.

Am I missing something? Or are you supposed to only carry part of your starting equipment?
Is there a way (common houserule or whatever) to play a Kossar while using the encumbrance variant?

How should I deal with a player whose roleplay cuts into other players enjoyment of the session?

I’m a very new DM running a homebrew campaign for a couple of friends.

One of my players, who is by far the most experienced, plays a bard who is definitely optimised for roleplay, and that seems to be the part of the game she enjoys the most.

This is fine, of course, but lately I think it’s been derailing the rest of the party’s experience. The rest of the party is made up of players who either struggle with roleplay or have optimised their character for combat. This player has spent 15-20 mintues interrogating an NPC in a zone of truth (even after I made it clear that there was nothing else to gain from the NPC) while the rest of the party has no idea what to do. She also interjects into other player’s rare roleplay moments to describe what her Bard is doing. The rest of the party gets tired or disengaged when the session is too roleplay-heavy, so I’ve been trying to reward any plot-progression they achieve with big, exciting combat encounters.

Then last session, as I was very clearly building up to a big encounter, the Bard player decided that she would rather try to reason with the angry, weapons-drawn guards. A couple of lucky persuasion rolls later, and the whole encounter (which I’d spent hours lovingly prepping) was circumvented. I understand that players messing up planned events is a natural part of being a DM, but I’m bothered by the fact that she didn’t give the other players a chance to decide for themselves whether they wanted to fight.

I don’t want this one player to feel like she’s being strong-armed by the DM or railroaded into certain outcomes, but I also want to give the rest of the party a chance to do what they love best –beating up some bad guys. How can I manage the roleplay needs of this player while also making sure that the rest of the party gets to experience the combat they want?

How can I balance slightly erotic roleplay and story based roleplay?

I know this question makes me sound like a pervert but especially with the epidemic me and my girlfriend ended up unable to have much contact.(Not even calls since her roommates are always in the house and it would be really awkward with them.) As a result we have been exploring new avenues and in the end as we are both TTRPG fans we decided to run text based solo games for eachother where we could at least feel a bit close and flirty.

Now the problem is I am not particularly familiar with the concept of running games with erotic features and as a result I am not sure how to balance the NPC’s flirting as a substitute for our actual contact and actual story. Neither of us want the game to essentially be a glorified erotic roleplay. Now my question is how can I keep myself from including too much relationship stuff without fully avoiding them altogether.

How to deal with tension created between characters after role-play session?

I am the DM for a long running game, we are going on 2 years, and while there was a rough start and a few changed characters, we have been in a good place. There was a Tiefling Barbarian (original), Dragonborn Paladin, and Human Fighter/Warlock. About 2 months ago, we added a Dragonborn Wizard to the party, and it has been a welcome addition thusfar. Tonight we had a relatively long roleplay section, first a meeting with a prominent NPC who has been around for a while, and then the characters discussed stories and backstories around dinner in a tavern. During this roleplay session, the wizard, fully within his character, used suggestion to entice backstory from the Tiefling (who has given basically nothing up until this point). This has created tension within the party (in game only), and has the potential to completely derail the campaign. I want to respect player agency, and I trust the players to not blow this out of proportion, but I also don’t want to throw away an entire main quest due to this. I am conflicted, and thus am requesting some differing views on the matter. Thanks in advance. Please feel free to request any information, I am happy to help.